They have landed from the planet Zog
Oh! my …. Oh! My goodness they really have landed from the planet Zog. Is this to do with the collision of Jupiter and Mars that Frank Sinatra sang about? The Zogs apparently left their hearts in San Francisco on a previous visit. READERS this is SENSATIONAL NEWS…..
You have never seen anything like this before. They are entirely dressed in coloured rag clothes and can sing all the songs from “Joseph and his coat of many colours” in the style of Dolly Parton – in fact I heard one of them tell another journalist, in a confidential interview behind the dustbins of the Marsiott Hotel (all Martians tend to stay there), that that was where he heading: DOLLYWOOD! Apparently the Partons were an advance party of the Zogs years ago….
Well, dear readers, I am passing this information on to you as my first exclusive from the other side of the dustbins, if you catch my drift. Unfortunately I missed the landing speech from the Chief Zog as he addressed the Universe. However, I managed to steal another journalist’s notepad whilst he was discussing, intensely, the weather conditions in Zog. Lucky for me, he was an English journalist through and through – well who else could talk about the weather with such knowledge! Anyways according to his notes, which I am passing on to you directly from this entirely reliable source, the gist of the speech was that all Zogs like their eggs sunnyside up and their potatoes pan-fried. HOWEVER, they were introduced to Bubble and Squeak by a returning Zoggan after a flying visit to Yorkshire and they now have this dish on all important occasions. This my dear dear readers is an exclusive titbit just for you.
There is more exciting news to come … they delight in wearing Y-fronts over their heads as protection from any form of vitriolic abuse that might come their way. It is vital, yes vital, for you to understand, dear dear reader, that these be worn inside out, preferably airtex, with the Y over the bridge of the nose to enable any self-respecting Zog to spit.
You are the first earth people to receive this news and we are delighted, yes delighted, to offer our loyal readers an exclusive opportunity to take advantage of a once in a lifetime bargain of buying 600 Y-fronts with appropriate diagrams AND AND with each lot of 600 you will receive FREE a sack of potatoes and 100 cabbages INCLUDING an exclusive recipe for Bubble and Squeak from our chef of the week who will be opening a Zoggan restaurant in your neighbourhood soon. How about that for an offer deal loyal reader!?!
Let me tell you that these are delightful people who bring tears to your eyes as they walk about in their colourful rag costumes and delightful, truly delightful with the added touch of the Y-fronts – such courage and innovation has never been seen in this Universe before.
Oh! Yes, there is even more. I could not believe my luck, but as I was returning to my office I inadvertently ran into another of my exclusive sources, who naturally wishes to be remain anonymous, who informed me that the Chief Zog has a love-child with the infamous and truly famous Ethel Humperstorm. Sometimes known, by those in the know and in her innermost circle (dare I say sanctum) as Eth-baby. This is just so incredibly, truly exciting. As I write this, I am being interrupted to let YOU KNOW that she maybe, shortly, retracting this news. So remember this is where you heard it: The Chief Zog and Eth-baby have a love- child called Goz. The word on the street is that THE GOZ will show us the WAY – the way to return to our Bubble and Squeak roots with grace and dignity wearing our exclusive Y-fronts on the nose. Dolly will be leading us of course in song.
Well, that is all the exclusive I have for you today. Don’t forget now: Get your Y-fronts here together with your free gift whislt stocks last…..
Written and Illustrated by Chlöe Asprey